It's a wonderful life

It's Christmas Eve and I just finished watching It's A Wonderful Life for the first time. And I have to say, it really was wonderful and exactly what I needed. Being my first Christmas alone, today has been a little strange. While at work this morning, I let my mind wander to Christmases past. Remembering my family gathered around the big dining room table for a bouillabaisse feast. . . Jumping up and checking the front door for Santa every ten minutes. . . And finally that magical sound of the doorbell actually ringing, which meant that Santa had indeed been there, leaving behind a great big bag of Christmas treats for the whole family, which we would then proceed to tear apart in the following hour. (We did things a little different in my house.)

And with the arrival of some hotel clients for breakfast, I snap back to reality. Montreux. Christmas Eve. My first Christmas away from home. Though I don't want to say that I'm completely alone because I am lucky enough to have the means to call my family and be with them temporarily, even if means being connected by our voices. Don't get me wrong. I've had my moments when the loneliness finds its way in. While walking the Christmas market yesterday evening, I felt that tinge of sadness watching all the bundled families walk by me, their hands joined and swinging with laughter. I smiled at their shared moments and continued walking, my hands shoved deep in my coat pockets to keep them warm.

I eventually bought myself a cup of vin chaud (I have to take advantage of this strictly seasonal offering, right?) and found a quiet bench next to the lake to sit and think. In the background, Frank Sinatra's voice warmed the chilly winter air as the thoughtfully placed speakers started playing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas." I don't know if it's his voice, or the lyrics, or just the tune itself, but this song (and this version especially) has always been one of my favorite Christmas songs, despite the fact that it leaves me feeling heavy hearted. I get lost in the song, imagining a white, winter scene with twinkling Christmas lights. Silent snow falling in giant starry flakes like you always see in movies.

So I sat there silently looking out onto the dark water, lights glittering and reflecting off its surface, and I thought about all the wonderful Christmases I've had surrounded by family and friends and presents and sparkling ornaments. Yes, I would be lying to you if I said that I didn't miss it. Of course I do. And I wish I had a Christmas tree and a huge Christmas Eve feast at a large, loud and bustling table. But I'll take my quiet Christmas this year. I'll take it and revel in it and spend the time being thankful for all the wonderful gifts I've been given all year long. Soon enough I'll be with two of my best friends, laughing and crying (perhaps at the same time) and talking as if we haven't been apart for six months at all. And tomorrow? Oh don't worry, I have a mini feast planned, though it won't be served on fancy china like it normally is. But along with a good book, some delicious smelling candles, a few Christmas movies, and talking to family and friends. . . Well, I'd say that it's a wonderful life indeed.