"Here comes the sun, do do do doooo..."

(Written 20.01.10)

Today the sun finally came out from its cold hiding place and brought with it the sparkling signs of possibilities. As much as I wanted to stay in bed all day watching Gossip Girl reruns and wallowing in my loneliness, I finally dragged myself out of bed, showered and headed out to the vineyards for some fresh air and a fresh perspective. And although I didn't just snap back into my normal happy self, I did feel a sense of awakening that brought promise for the coming weeks.

So then what changed? What got me out of bed and into the real world outside of my hotel room? I'll admit, I was all about self-medicating by taking obscenely long naps and indulging in loads of Swiss chocolate (okay, I suppose it could be worse). But then I just got bored. I'm not kidding. Being depressed is boring and hopeless. Seriously, what's the point? You feel worse about yourself, about your actions or lack there of, and all motivation goes sprinting out the door. But I guess there is a point to feeling that way because it makes you realize how great it feels to be happy, to go out and do things, to put your effort towards something you care about. But it's not easy, and to be honest, I don't think it should be. Life is about choices. Sometimes choosing to be happy isn't so simple. Life gets in the way and makes things complicated. But if you can come out on the other side of that with a streak of happiness still left, a hope that life will get better, that's what counts. Yes, I am aware that my funk is nothing compared to what travesties other people deal with every day, but in the larger scheme of things, isn't the process to recovery almost the same?

I'm still pulling myself out of my bout of depression day by day. Thankfully, the sun is still shining, warming me up from the inside out and making in near impossible to just stay inside when so much beauty is just sitting there waiting to be found. So here we go. Another day filled with possibilities, and another chance to lighten my heart a bit more. How could I resist?